"why do you want to be a doctor?"

today i uttered a white lie..
white lie? huhuu..is there even such a thing? kalau takde pun takpe la..i fancy thinking there is such thing..at least tak dela raser berdosa sgt..kot. (padahal manade beza pun dosa menipu nih..niat tak menghalalkan cara..=P)
anyway..aku taktau kenape sumer doktor suke sgt tanye soalan ni kat student..n mcm aku ni..itu la soalan yg plg aku tak suke jawab.."why do you want to be a doctor?" seriusly..aku tak suke soalan nih..kalau aku ader choice i'd rather choose not to answer. soalan tentang niat. ape yg aku simpan dalam hati. something yg aku anggap dah menginvade privacy, kalau ditanya, especially dikhalayak ramai.. and maybe jugak sebab aku takde reason yg konkrit yg boleh dihujahkan utk jadi sebab. (i'm not blaming my parents, nor am i saying that i'm doing this for someone else..well..maybe time memula dulu kot, hehh.) but those are in the past. blaming others is like refusing to take up resposibilities..and no, i'm not such person. aku maybe malas, tapi bukan irresponsible. but at the end most of my friends answered either one of these three answers;


1) to help other people (jawapan skema. aku taktau la org2 yg jawab macam ni really meant it (i hope they do) atau just saying it as it is the universally acceptable answer. sume org jawab camtu, and that's what the doctors want to hear..)

2) out of interest. i was inspired to be one. i have always want to be a doctor since i was a kid (ini pun kind of grandiouse punye jawapan. haha..taktau whether some people can be that inspiring..hmmm..)

3) for the money (sesetgh doctor tak suke jawapan nie, sbb to them; it sounded selfish and.. they say, doctors doesn't really make that much money unless they're practicing in the private sector. hehh..maybe true. ader specialist hospital kerajaan yg aku tgk bawak van je. no offence to anyone. anyway, aku raser the people who answered this are very honest. which is good. at least they're don't just answer " to help people" and walk around pretending to have a halo on their head.)-->but hey, who am i to judge other people's intention?


but the truth is, aku betul2 doubt these are the real reasons my friends had choose to be in line of medicine. aku pasti there are lots of other reasons that brings people to this profession. bukan just sbb "to help people", and that's it. dan the reason pulak, boleh jadi ada 5, boleh jadi 13, 27 atau 98. tak semestinya kena ader satu reason je to do sumthing.

as for me, i picked the second option. i said i was inspired by a close family member..(which whoever who knows me that well akan tahu it's a total lie (astagfirullah..) sbb takde org dalam close family aku yg jadik doktor, yg ader pun sepupu belah family ayah, belajar medicine oversea but came back and become a bussinessman, dan sorg lagi, sepupu ayah, yg aku mmg jarang2 sekali jumpe..hardly kenal punn..hehh..)

but still.. i'm deadly sure somwhere at the back of our mind niat "to help people" tu mmg ader.. hari2 kuar masuk spital tgk macam2 keadaan org, mmg hati batu sgt la kalau tak raser apa2..n aku raser mustahil la ader org niat nak jadi doktor sbb "nak bunuh lebih ramai org".. huhuu..nauzubillah.. it's just that, sometimes somethings are better left unspoken. it's something between me, myself, everything i stands for, and Allah la, surely. so kesimpulannya, baik takyah tanya pun soalan2 camni...haha..sbb in the end i doubt anyone would really say out loud their own reasons. kalau ader pun maybe some scanty few people je kot. hmmm..